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Heart Sore
ALISHA MAUREEN CROWLEY, MD
[pdf]

This poem, written several years ago as an internal medicine resident before joining the faculty as an assistant professor of medicine, expresses the feelings associated with unsuccessful CPR from the perspective of the person performing it.

Yesterday:
Her heart stopped
His breath ceased


He struggled. She struggled. I struggled


With arms
    and chest
        and back
            and belly
               and brain


With every part of me
I struggled


To press life back
      Into what was
To make it what is
Even though — I know — life is gone


To bring back that
Breath
      and beat
            and force


To feel a pressure fight against my hand


He struggled. She struggled. I struggled.
And then I stopped


And I knew
      That today would begin without them
      But that I would remember

Today:
      I feel each breath I take
            against my ribs


                             It aches


      Each reach
            and bend
                  and twist
                        and pull


                              It aches


My body knows what it did yesterday
                   And it aches
      My heart remembers more

My body aches

My heart is sore

ALISHA CROWLEY is an assistant professor in the division of general internal medicine.  She practices at Brown Medicine in Smithfield and East Providence and is active with the internal medicine residency.  She is developing an academic interest in informatics and patient interaction with technology and prefers to spend her time teaching.  Alisha can often be found traveling to NJ to visit her mom, dad, and sister, or on her quest to visit all 50 states.  In her free time, she is a line dancer, avid fantasy reader, and baker.

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