Heart Sore
ALISHA MAUREEN CROWLEY, MD
[pdf]
This poem, written several years ago as an internal medicine resident before joining the faculty as an assistant professor of medicine, expresses the feelings associated with unsuccessful CPR from the perspective of the person performing it.
​
Yesterday:
Her heart stopped
His breath ceased
He struggled. She struggled. I struggled
With arms
and chest
and back
and belly
and brain
With every part of me
I struggled
To press life back
Into what was
To make it what is
Even though — I know — life is gone
To bring back that
Breath
and beat
and force
To feel a pressure fight against my hand
He struggled. She struggled. I struggled.
And then I stopped
And I knew
That today would begin without them
But that I would remember
​
Today:
I feel each breath I take
against my ribs
It aches
Each reach
and bend
and twist
and pull
It aches
My body knows what it did yesterday
And it aches
My heart remembers more
​
My body aches
​
My heart is sore
ALISHA CROWLEY is an assistant professor in the division of general internal medicine. She practices at Brown Medicine in Smithfield and East Providence and is active with the internal medicine residency. She is developing an academic interest in informatics and patient interaction with technology and prefers to spend her time teaching. Alisha can often be found traveling to NJ to visit her mom, dad, and sister, or on her quest to visit all 50 states. In her free time, she is a line dancer, avid fantasy reader, and baker.